Favorite Books

  • Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
  • Discworld series.
  • Good Omens.
  • Green Sky Trilogy.
  • Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series.
  • Ishmael.
  • Misfortune.
  • Perfume.
  • Stranger in a Strange Land.
  • The Witch of Blackbird Pond.
  • Through the Looking Glass.
  • Winne-the-Pooh.
  • Witches Abroad.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Spiritual Will and Testament of Ender's Life

 My dear sweet child, Ender Wiggins McDermott

You have been such an important part of my life for almost 13 years now. Your life is ending, and yet mine will continue, as difficult as it will be to be without you. I want so much for you to remember me always in love and trust, as your True Mother, companion, and love.
Though I did not birth you out of my womb, my need to have you in my life was birthed out of my spiritual womb, and the gods answered by delivering you straight into my home, in my room, in my closet where you were born and protected by your birth mother until you were ready to become my son. I remember the first time you saw me, and the love in your eyes for me was Pure and complete. We locked eyes, we fell in love, and we became Each Others' caretakers from then on. You will always be my little man. I will never forget waking up every morning, on our futon on the floor; waking up and opening my eyes to see your sweet tiny face right up close to mine, staring into my eyes with deepest trust and love. And how you would stay close to my side all the day long, and be waiting for me when I would come home from school and work, and sleep with me until your kitty mother called you back to the cardboard box in which you and your two brothers slept and ate. Every morning you were waiting for me to wake so we could play and love each other.
When I moved out of my mother's house I brought you and your brother with me. You loved each other very much, but I could always tell you were more than just a kitten. You were, even then, smarter, cleverer, and more aware than him or any other cat I've ever known. You understood me from the moment you heard me speak, you learned your name early on, and your commands and what was required of you. You were generally always very obedient and well-mannered, something I will always sing in your praise for the rest of my life.
When I was sick one day you and your brother were driving me crazy, so I let you outside and sat on the porch, watching you closely. While he would wander far away from home, you always stayed close, and would watch me for safety and approval. You always knew when I wouldn't approve of you exploring a place that was too far from my watchful eye. You even knew when you weren't supposed to be doing something- like jumping on a counter top or table, or trying to steal someone's food- even though you sometimes did it anyway!
Whenever we moved you would only take a few days to become accustomed. I know you were often scared, and never liked moving- you even knew what was going to happen before we ever left by the appearance of cardboard boxes in the house. But you always trusted that I'd never leave you behind, no matter what, and I never did. And I always tried to let you outside after I felt comfortable that you knew the smells of our new home and felt safe that you would come back after exploring the new neighborhood.
Some of my best memories of you are funny. Like the last time I ever gave you a bath. I was throwing us a party for your 3rd or 4th birthday, I can't remember which, but we lived in the apartment behind the Gate. I bathed you and made sure everyone knew not to let you outside before or during the party, because you had been so difficult- scratching the hell out me, really- and I wanted you to stay clean. Well, someone let you out right before most of the guests arrived, and you were gone for the rest of the night. The next time I saw you, you were almost completely covered in dirt! You were grey with it. I was horrified, of course, yet vowed to never bathe you again. I guess that was your way of setting your limits with me! But I'll never forget it.
Another wonderful set of memories I have with you are of us walking together. If you were nearby outside when I walked to the Gate to buy a soda, you would sprint ahead of me, anticipating where I was headed (I usually got a soda every day from there), and wait just a few paces in front of me until I passed you by- then you'd spring ahead of me again- until you hid behind the dumpster. Once I coaxed you to the front doors of the store, but the noise of the cars and people scared you too much, so you stayed behind the dumpster until I returned, and then you'd walk home with me, the same way as we walked there. One time I tricked you by going the other way around the building, but somehow you heard or saw me come around and beat me to the front door anyway. My favorite memory of us walking was when Jason Kesser and I had a bottle of wine and walked around the block, to the church parking lot and around. I'm not sure if you'd ever been that far- but you were our escort the whole time. And it was a lovely walk that evening. I'll always remember that as our Best Time Together.
I have so many wonderful memories with you, my dear Ender boo. The time that you wanted to follow me through a field in which the path had flooded, and how you cried to be picked up and taken to where I was so you wouldn't have to walk through the water; the first time you saw snow, and what you thought about it; the first time you met Sean and our road trip to Florida together where you behaved so well, except in the hotel room that night when you cried.
You always got along with other animals so well, from Puppyface to Zoper, from Cheeba to Raisin. Zoper was definitely your best buddy ever, and I want you to know that he loves and misses you still.
You've gone by many names: Ender Boo, Ender Bender, Oogie Boogie, Booger Boy, Fat Cat, Fats McGee, Senior Ender Wiggins Widebottom, Angel Food Cake, Fish Face, my little angel, among others. They all fit you, and you knew each one.
Of the people whose lives you have touched, I want to name a few who particularly loved you and learned from you. My mother and sister and brother and father all love you and remember you as a kitten, and as a big fat cat. Seth is an old friend who still loves you, as is Christina. I'm sure Giffe remembers you fondly, and I know that Tyson and Jared both loved you and still miss you in their lives. Robert and Nikki got to know you well when they took care of you while we were in Ireland. Bee and Kristi love you most of all out of those who knew you then. Even Stirling and Chris and Patrick will forever remember and miss you. There are countless others- you have such an amazing personality- you never really were a cat like all the others, and everyone who met you has been affected by your loving attention.
You know how much Sean and I love you and want to protect you and care for you. We want to make all your pain and suffering go away. We want you to be happy and healthy and fat again, and always to remember how much you have done for us. You are my Familiar, and your energies have helped me out scores of times too many to mention. You have protected me in daily life and in the Astral, dreaming with me so many times. We've talked very frankly, in plain English, those times, and have even had course to make love with one another on several occasions, in the Astral. I will always remember you as my companion, my mate, my protector, and I thank you eternally for your help and love.
As you sit here next to me, purring your sweet purr and nudging my hand with your cute little head, I fully realize the importance of your life and place in my own. My husband, who has been affected by you more than anyone in our lives aside from me, also gives so much of his appreciation to you. You have helped to solidify our love in so many ways, and brought us together in our love for you.
We now stand together in our love and admiration for you to tell you that it's ok to leave us here in this realm of existence. It is ok to pass over into Summerland, and to find peace and happiness and all the comforts of kitty life once again. And if you feel the need to be with us once again, you may always visit us on the Astral plane, a place which I know you will find your way back to. When you are ready, you will find your way back into our life through another cat-body, and I hope you will once again stay with us for a very long time. We will know you if you visit us a ghost cat, and encourage you to visit us anytime, as much as possible. You are free to go out of your body which is in so much turmoil and discomfort, if not pain. We will always love you, and always need you, but what we need more than your living presence, is the knowledge that you are happy and healthy again, and not suffering as you seem to in this body. If you are able and your strength is up to it, please visit me in the Astral soon and tell me if our plans for your body are to your liking and acceptable. Please know that all we do for you, is done with love and reverence and respect. I love you so much. I just do.

"May the Lady of the city of BAST known as BASTET guide Ender with a minimum a suffering into a new incarnation filled with warm laps and easily caught vermin."
"tis not him we will mourn but the absence of him from our lives”

1 comment:

  1. Love all three of you. It breaks my heart to see all of you suffering. Ender has known nothing but love and sweetness for all of his days. We will all miss him, terribly.